Sometimes you just feel that something is not going well. You have a presentiment that you’ve been paralyzed and that something is going to happen. Or has already happened. You are nervous, you think that it would be naive and weird to smile and enjoy your life, as you know that there is something that doesn’t let you do this. You are afraid to talk, to ask, to listen. So that you do not reach the epicenter of the problem. Then is when you should take care of yourself.
You’re worried, you’re struggling, you’re trying to understand if it was you who had made a mistake or someone else. You spiritually visit the people you love, in order to realize if they are hurt or not. You look around, but nothing’s changed. The same fugitive looks, the same smiles, soaked with childlike wishes, the same smiles which have the colour of the sunset in february: red, full of life, warm. The same holding of hands, the same enjoyed coffee, the same books which are left forgotten on the shelves, the same lovers on the bench in the park, the same „I love you” whispered stealthily. The same initimity, the same everything. What would it be then? Paranoia? False alarm?
You run all around, you thoroughly analize everything, you notice every single face that was part of your life or that still is, trying to realize if any of the faces want to come back or leave. Then you stop, because you cannot take it anymore.
You realize that you are the problem. That you have something inside which doesn’t let you enjoy the same „whole”. You do have something inside which is still bleeding, it’s been years. And when it gets bigger, it bleeds more and you have that feeling, that something’s not going well.
And, eventually, the only one who’s hurt is you…
So, take care.